Monday, November 12, 2012

Letting Go of the Need to Make Sense of the Pain

“Lean not on your own understanding.”
(Proverbs 3:5)

Remember those impenetrable, self-protective walls we talked about recently? You know, the ones we build in an attempt to avoid the uncertain, the uncomfortable, and the painful. Yet the ones that also prevent our souls from breathing cleansing breaths of freedom and joy in the process. (If you're new here, you definitely want to read that post first.)

I’ve thought a lot about why and how I’ve built my walls. Long before I wrote that piece. But when I invited God to tear them down, my longing to fully understand the ins and outs of my walls clearly grew. It only made sense that understanding their construction was the key to their removal.


But one night recently, I picked up a devotional and read this:
“The heart is deceitful above all else. I’ll never be able to understand it.”

I’ve heard that verse. I’ve heard it a thousand times. But I’ve never heard it put that way before – that “I’ll never be able to understand it.” And when I read it that night, it hit me:
I’ve been trying to understand my heart all this time –
but I’ll never be able to!
I simply can’t.


One commentary explains the reality this way:
“It even hides itself from itself;
so that its owner does not know it.”
(Sheesh! Tell me about it!)

Immediately after I read that verse, I opened an entry in My Utmost that warned about bargaining with God, and wanting Him to reveal
before we respond.


“But when you act on the basis of redemption, and stop the disrespectfulness of debating with God . . . “

I couldn’t read any further.
My eyes were stuck on debating . . .
Horrified at the possibility.

And in essence, that's exactly what I've been doing. I’ve been debating with God. Wanting to fully understand these walls to the nth degree before reaching out in love like He calls me to do. Making my response dependent on my finite understanding, rather than dependent on Grace.


Am I saying we should live in blind ignorance or denial? Of course not. Understanding is imperative, oftentimes a springboard for healing. But it isn't our source of healing. And it can't be a prerequisite for choosing to love. I want to walk by faith and not by sight even in the broken places of my heart.

So as we invite the Lord to tear down our walls,
He beckons us to shift our focus off the wall, and onto Him.
He calls us to prioritize the relationship over the rational understanding.


Because sacrificial love doesn't demand an explanation.
And genuine forgiveness is an extension of Grace, not logic.
(It defies logic!)

And healing doesn't hinge on human understanding.


"Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army.
For the battle is not yours, but God's."

~ 2 Chronicles 20:15

26 comments:

  1. Hi Tanya
    I am a new visitor to your blog. Your words are filled with wisdom and common sense which usually isn't so common any more! In Proverbs we read that God's boundaries falls in pleasant places. So I think we are the reason our boundaries always seem to very unpleasant. Oh, we can be so foolish!
    Blessings

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    1. hi there, mia,

      i'm so delighted to have you visit, & find encouragement here.

      and i'm challenged by your take on the verse about the boundary lines. i've often applied that to things that have gone well (through my finite eyes), but you're exactly right. our inheratance from Him is pleasant because of Who He is! i just did a quick search on the verse & found this wonderful gem of a commentary:

      "He regarded it as a desirable heritage that he lived where the true God was known; where he enjoyed his favor and friendship."

      yes! HE is indeed what makes our inheritance abundantly pleasant.

      thank you so much for sharing that insight, & i truly hope to see you around here some more.

      blessings,
      tanya

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  2. Tanya- This post was so full of practical truths! I have been struggling with unforgiveness and letting go. I am going to print this one out to read again and contemplate and ask God to transform my attitude about "figuring out" my heart...thank you-Kel

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    1. oh kel, i'm right there with you, girl. my flesh relentlessly pulls my analytical eyes toward the walls (& the matt. 7 specks) in life. when instead, i just need to turn my eyes upon Jesus, & let the things of earth (& all its mysteries) grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory & grace.

      thanks so much for the gift of your vulnerability here,
      tanya

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  3. Beautiful and inspiring as always. I love how God is tearing down your walls and teaching you so much.

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    1. thanks for that encouragement, friend. i love having you share in the journey -- all for His glory.

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  4. Awesome post. I liked the quote about the heart "hides" from itself, so the owner doesn't even know it! Sometimes you can think you're this 'type' of person and then a situation flares up a trait you had no clue you possed deep down in your heart! I found you through a comment on The Deckers Blog! Really enjoyed this post...look forward to reading more of your writings! :)

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    1. i remember you, vee! you wrote a sweet comment of encouragement when i had the opp to write a guest post on their blog this fall, so what an honor to have you here!

      and i hear ya on the "surprises" in our hearts. just a few days ago i was talking to a good friend about that very thing. such humbling reminders of our need for His constant (& abundant!) grace.

      i'm so delighted to have you join us for the journey here, vee.

      blessings to you & yours,
      tanya

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  5. Replies
    1. i'm grateful to hear that the Lord loved on you through this piece, & so delighted to have you walk through my blog doors.

      hope to have you visit again sometime!

      blessings,
      tanya

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  6. I have been thinking a lot about the: "lean not on your own understanding". It is hard though. Sometimes our heart wants to heal but is scared to face what it needs to to be healed. God focused is the only way but my impatience gets in the way to, I want healing now and of course it is in God's time not mine.

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    1. i'm right there in the struggle with you, friend. and you're so right about our hearts being scared to face what they need to be healed. reminds me of something i have highlighted in a (phenomenal!!) book called bold love:

      "her greatest terror was embracing a hunger that would likely never be satisfied this side of heaven, and her heart was steeled against the agony of a yearning she could neither deny nor embrace.
      many people refuse to acknowledge their desire for reconciliation with someone who hurt them, because of a terror of hope. hope is a radically dangerous passion . . ."

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  7. I get this. I always want to understand what God is doing before I commit to something. But I also feel God calling me to put aside my human wisdom and trust Him, even when it doesn't make sense. Thanks for this reminder. I needed it, friend!

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    1. the Lord has used your words countless times to minister to my soul, beth. so what a privilege for Him to use mine to love on you as well.

      thankful for you & your messy marriage ministry,
      tanya

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  8. Well said indeed. I'm reading about Abraham, who, when God said "Go," went. No questions. Just obedience. Is it no wonder that his faith was credited to him as righteousness? Oh, may I have the faith to say "yes," without hesitation! I"m visiting from Be Not Weary today, and glad I did.

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    1. what a delight to have you walk through my front door, lori. thanks so much for your encouraging comment. "the faith to say 'yes' without hesitation" -- oh yes, may it be true of me. may it be true.

      blessings to you & yours this thanks-filled season,
      tanya

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  9. Lots of thoughts to chew on here... I just keep coming back to what my hubby and I often reflect on - It's all about God. It's always been all about Him and it always will be. It's not about us. Thanks for the food for thought.

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    1. that's exactly it, lori. well said.

      thanks so much for taking the time to extend that encouragement through your comment. i look forward to continuing to journey with you.

      all for His glory indeed,
      tanya

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  10. Great post! I don't always know why God allows particular trials in my life, but rest in the knowledge of what He's doing in my life despite whatever trials I am facing. I wrote a post about this, and the promises in it continue to comfort me and give me peace as I go through various trials. http://brookeespinoza.blogspot.com/2012/01/why-is-god-allowing-this.html God bless you richly! Your blog is a blessing!

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    1. thanks so much for your encouragement & transparency, brooke. your sentiments about the "why" remind me much of a piece i recently read by billy graham's grandson (tullian tchividjian) that i "amen-ed" my way through as i read it:

      http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tullian/2012/09/12/freed-from-the-prison-of-why/

      so i'll definitely look forward to reading your post about the why as well. thanks so much for sharing, & i hope you stop by again sometime.

      blessings to you this thanksgiving season,
      tanya

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  11. I SO SO SO needed this today, sweet friend. Thank you for the gentle reminder. Swallowing hard right now.

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    1. oh what encouragement to know that yours was a soul that the Lord loved on through this, friend. you've been heavy on my heart & mind the past several days, knowing the ache you're feeling in making wise choices. really wish my season of life didn't keep me so far away from givin' you a big hug more often. sure do love & miss you, girl.

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  12. Oh how very true! Our hearts are so very deceitful and we can't trust anything they "say", yet they yearn to understand everything possible! Thank you for sharing and linking up at Simply Helping Him last week! Blessings!

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    1. i tend to be very relationally analytical, which can be a good thing. or a bad thing . . . the lure to put understanding on a throne where only God belongs can be so strong, at times. but i praise God that He remains *greater* than my feeble heart!

      thanks for your encouraging comment, & blessings to you as well, friend!

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    2. Oh yes, analytical....I hear you....I nominated you for an award dear friend....(((hugs)))

      http://www.simplyhelpinghim.com/2012/12/01/award/

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    3. what an honor, misty!
      thank you so very much, my friend.
      may God get all kinds of glory through your words & mine.

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