Thursday, October 11, 2012

Disney or Disability?

Which will leave the deepest footprint in your child’s soul?

Every time I see another friend’s pictures from a family trip to Disney, I have to fight a first-world-problem voice – the one that tries to tell me that we’re depriving our son because we haven’t taken him yet. I know it’s a lie, but I want to take him sometime, so that shallow thought never fails to show up with the pictures.

I don’t know if you’ve ever wrestled with feeling like your kids are missing out if they haven’t stood in the gateway to the Magic Kingdom. But let me ask you a seemingly-unrelated question. Have you ever thought about the impact on your children if they’ve never had the opportunity to look in the face of disability?

For lack of better segue, let me simply switch from my mom hat to my little girl hat here. As a child, I had the unique opportunity to walk through life with two families in our church who each had a young adult with special needs. Of course, this was before society was using the term, special needs. But we didn’t need it – because these folks had names, of course. And that was enough.

So while my impressionable view of the world (and the people in it) was forming, I was seeing people around me interact with these folks, hearing the sound of my parents’ voices exchange with theirs, and learning how to build relationships that aren’t based on commonalities, but delighted in differences. Of course I wasn’t consciously observing all this. I didn’t know that those ordinary Sunday morning moments were collecting as memories that would impact me for life.
But I do now.

Because as a result of my family’s regular involvement in those families’ lives, and theirs in ours, these are the precious gifts I was given:
     • A solid understanding of the value that each person on this planet possesses
     • A comfort with spending time with people who are different than I am
     • And the eyes to see that those differences are the very ways that the Lord reveals His glory through them


But I didn’t receive these sacred gifts by hanging out with these families for just a day or two. They came over time, as our families were involved in each other’s lives. Season after season, year after year.

I thought about these childhood experiences last week when I read a blog post by a mom who wrote a letter to the people around her son (who has epilepsy) who didn’t know what to say to him.
So they said nothing.

Folks, if we don’t model the privilege of living life with people who are different from us, we become the ones impaired.
And so do our children.


We desperately need to step out of our relational tunnels to embrace horizons of relational diversity. Might that be uncomfortable? Maybe. But why does that have to matter? Is comfort the goal? Is that the decision-making we want to model to our children?

Instead of letting the prospect of discomfort negatively influence your decisions, lean into the uncomfortable.
Welcome it as a close friend.
Because discomfort is the doorway to Dependence.

If this is unfamiliar territory and the thought’s intimidating, that’s okay. Ask the Lord to open your mind to taking the first step despite the intimidation, and remember that He’s greater than our feeble hearts. If you don’t know where to begin, just ask the Lord. He’ll gladly show you the first step.

Here are a few ideas that come to mind, but I’d love for you to add YOUR ideas in a comment to inspire our other readers!

     • Plug into your church’s special needs ministry. If it doesn’t have one, why not start one? I have a friend who can help you!
     • Initiate a relationship with somebody who’s chronically ill and house-bound. Start with a simple e-mail! (If you need insight or encouragement before you reach out, e-mail me – because I've been there!)
     • Invest time in a local soup kitchen or shelter. (You’ll be surprised how much you actually have in common.)
     • Develop friendships with people who are old and grey like we’ll all be in a few years. (Or if you’re the old and grey one, reach out to a young family – we need your wisdom!)

Place yourself in unfamiliar opportunities where you feel totally inadequatebecause that’s where God’s power is made perfect.
And that’s when our eyes are opened to behold God’s glory.


Have you ever read the brief dialogue in John 9? It’s become a favorite of mine. Somebody asked Jesus why a man was born blind. And you know what He said?
So the power of God could be seen in him.

So am I proposing that we shouldn’t take our kids to Disney? Not at all.
Am I proposing that the memories from a trip to Disney pale in comparison to the impact of walking through life with folks who have special needs?
You BET I am.
A million times over.

Because think about it: We’re talkin’ about man-made magic, versus God-breathed glory . . .

Lean into the uncomfortable, my friend, even if you’re afraid.
Let it serve you and your family well. And others, too.
And get ready to experience true glory days.

(Pssst! Wanna hear a secret? The more you broaden your relational horizons, the more your discomfort will fade into a warm sunset of abundant joy. It’s a win-win!)

If you appreciated this piece, would you consider sharing it on Facebook? Click here.
(And why don't you come join our Truth in Weakness Facebook community while you're at it? We'd love to have you!)

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A Few of my Favorite Disability-Related Resources


Free eBook: Disability and the Sovereign Goodness of God


Blog post: Disability and Dads: Where Desperation Meets Delight

My Good Friend’s Blog: The Works of God Displayed
(a boat-load of posts, info, and answers about special needs ministry in the Church)

The compelling post I read last week: Letter to the Others


Linking up with The Alabaster Jar's Marital Oneness Mondays and The Parent 'Hood

24 comments:

  1. Oh, I love this.
    You remind me of this quote by George Washington Carver:
    "How far you go in life depends on your being tender with the young, patient with the old, sympathetic with the striving, tolerant with the weak and the strong, because someday in life you will have been all of these."
    A valuable perspective you were given -- and now are passing on! Thanks, Tanya!

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    1. girl you know how much of a sucker i am for a good quote! thanks for that -- how very true.

      i loved how the Lord so beautifully unfolded this same precious truth in both of our hearts. may we all continue to see & praise God in the unfamiliar!

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  2. Tanya, I really like the comparison you did here. What is it that will truly affect us in life--missing out on material goods or missing out on learning how to love different people?

    Hope you're doing okay.

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    1. thanks for the encouraging comment, kristina. it's always a treat to hear your virtual voice. and i can't help but think that my health challenges have played into my appreciation for the often-unsuspecting ways the Lord reveals His goodness & glory.

      hope you're doing okay as well.
      blessings to you, my friend,
      tanya

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  3. Brilliant post. I worked in a youth centre and we had special needs kids come in at various times to the centre. It was amazing to see the positive effects the special needs kids had on the rough, tough, troubled, getting into trouble young people who were at the centre at the same time. Some of these tough young people would change and become caring human beings-it was a miracle at times. Over time the change became pronounced in some of the tough young people. Special needs kids have a lot to offer and teach us all. Blessings.

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    1. oh how i LOVED hearing about the powerful experience from your time at the youth centre -- thank you so much for sharing, friend!

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  4. Oh yes I LOVE this. Well done!! I love that you speak of the privilege of knowing people who are different and delighting in difference. This was beautiful. Thanks for the shout out and I'm so glad you were inspired to continue the conversation. Heather

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    1. i couldn't wait to share it with you, heather. thanks for the encouragement, & may the Lord continue the conversation throughout the hallways of countless hearts!

      blessings to you & that precious family of yours,
      tanya

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  5. I have a 23 year old daughter with Angelman Syndrome. This line said it all, "Because think about it: We’re talkin’ about man-made magic, versus God-breathed glory . . .":)also, "lean into the uncomfortable. Welcome it as a close friend. Because discomfort is the doorway to Dependence." Beautifully said...its the place where we find Liberty in Limitations. This Dependence causes us to draw near to Him, and His nearness is our Good.

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    1. "the place where we find Liberty in Limitations" -- wow, i believe you just summed up my heartbeat for this entire blog. that's exactly it. it's all about the Grace, Freedom, & Joy that is found in learning to lean, isn't it? (what a beautiful moniker!)

      thanks so much for sharing your heart. i'm so very glad you stopped by.
      may the Lord continue to reveal His goodness & glory to you & your family,
      tanya

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  6. Wonderfully put. I worked for several years in the Special Education Department at our County Department of Education. I babysat a young deaf girl in junior high. I am environmentally ill and try to reach out to others suffering with this invisible illness and other invisible illness. Thank you for sharing.

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    1. dearest kathryn, i'm so glad you visited truth in weakness recently. and thanks for sharing some of your own experiences with folks with special needs. no doubt your time with them has become a part of the person you are today. and i'm grateful for the compassion that you are extending to others through your blog -- heading over there now to check it out. :)

      blessings to you & yours, & i hope to have you stop by again!
      - tanya

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  7. Tanya I have nominated your blog which is always interesting and helpful, thus deserving for some blog awards. If you wish you can check it out at my blog. :-)

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    1. oh MY, did you ever make my day when i saw this! i am so incredibly honored (& encouraged!). thank you so very much, my friend.

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  8. Oh how true this is sis! Thank you so much for sharing! We get caught up so quickly in the world's magic that we miss all that God has placed around us! Things that really matter, people that need us, people we can help and be a part of their daily lives! The world's magic fades, but God's majesty is forever! Thank you for linking up! Blessings!

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    1. i love this, misty:
      "The world's magic fades, but God's majesty is forever!"
      i think you just summed up this whole post in less than 10 words, lol.

      thanks for the blessing of your encouraging comment, friend,
      tanya

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  9. Tanya, I apologize in advance for being off topic. But I just read your story on your alma mater's website, and it brought tears to my eyes. I related to every single word. We may have walked through different illnesses, but the experience of God's greatness is the same. He allowed me to go through illness a couple times to learn that the miracle and the hope is in Him and not reaching perfection. Praise Him that He's gentle with me and good to me through it all. Thank you so much for sharing!

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    1. oh kim, i'm so glad you stopped by. (and tangents are welcome, btw!) there's so much comfort in connecting with another sister in the faith who truly understands -- the suffering, the perfectionist journey of learning that our identity is in who He is, not what we do, & the healing that He offers to the depths of our souls in it all. and the sheer joy & delight of that freedom in Him!

      i thoroughly enjoyed wandering the streets of your blog the other day, and look forward to continuing to journey with you, friend.

      thanks so much for reaching out,
      tanya

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  10. God has been tugging at my heart strings to minister to senior adults. This post is another encouragement from God. Well done. Thank you!

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    1. oh wow, thanks for sharing that this piece gets to be part of a beautiful new story that the Lord's wanting to write in your family. love that!

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  11. Beautifully expressed. And so timely. I'm going to be interviewed about Down Syndrome, inclusion and my daughter's school experiences this week. I've been thinking about all the ways she has benefitted (and the challenges she has faced), but this was a reminder that her classmates are also blessed to have her. Thank you.

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    1. hello there, friend,

      i realize that my reply is seriously pushin' the "better late than never" limits, so here's me, overwhelmed by life's demands, but resting in His grace.
      again.

      what a privilege to offer you such a timely reminder of the sweet blessing that your precious daughter is to her classmates. day by day, they are truly becoming better individuals because of her presence in their lives.

      i've wondered about your interview many times since your comment, wondering how it all went, & would love to hear if you're open to sharing.

      regardless, may God continue to pour out His richest blessings to you & your family!
      - tanya

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  12. love love Love this post. So well said. Bless you for sharing!

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    1. YAY, praise God for encouraging you through this post, lizzy! what an honor to have you stop by.

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