Sober Gratitude

“Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the Lord has been good to you.”
(Psalm 116:7)

The nurse waited while I emptied my pockets and unloaded all my accessories onto the chair next to the scale. My phone, my key, my wallet, and my apple. As I took my shoes off, I anticipated her telling me that I didn’t need to, but I wanted an accurate reading. And I got one.

I’d like to think that I don’t tend to wear my heart of concern on my sleeve during doctors’ visits, but when I saw the number on the scale, I instinctively threw my head back and let out an audible ugh of discouragement.

103.4. An unsettling, underweight number that has stubbornly dug its heels into the ground for the past year and a half of my life.

When I initially walked into the doctor’s office, I had started munching on a large suncrisp apple, and took a few more bites while the nurse was reviewing my list of meds. At one point, she needed to step out to check on something. When she returned, I was in the middle of another bite, and she said, “Boy, you’re really intent on that apple, aren’t you?”

I know – not quite the epitome of sensitivity for a trained nurse to say to an underweight patient. But I’ve regretfully made my share of insensitive comments in life. All of them inadvertently made, but nonetheless, some doozies that sadly make hers pale in comparison. The upside? Her insensitivity didn’t make my world crumble! Without skipping a {distraught} beat, I simply said, “Well, when you’re 103 pounds, you do what you gotta do.”

Aside from my fragile weight, the follow-up appointment was a positive one – including blood pressure coming in at normal range for the first time in years. {YAY!!} But my weight left a trail of deep discomfort in my soul.

On my way to the appointment, I had been running a few minutes late. So when I found a parking spot smack dab in front of the main entrance, I thanked God for His mercy because it was just what I needed! Well, little did I know that He would use that parking spot to meet a need that went far beyond convenience. Little did I know that God had reserved a front-row seat for me to witness a sight that would rein my perspective back in check.

Because after the appointment was over, I walked back out to my car. And while I was still in park, I saw a woman being wheeled out of the building on a stretcher. With two large, familiar straps to keep her body secure, and a very uncomfortable-looking neck brace. Friends, that sight really took me back. Because as many of you know, not too long ago, I was that woman. Helpless and strapped to the stretcher, asking nurses to place saltines in my mouth because I was too weak to do it myself.

And there I was, seeing this scene from the other side. Sitting independently in the driver’s seat of my car . . .

Oh, how I felt for this woman. How I prayed for her. For God’s presence, for His mercy, that He would bring beauty and life out of the helpless, painful circumstance that she was in. And I prayed for the man waiting with her. I prayed until the ambulance came and hoisted her inside of it.

And God brought this thought to mind: I may be 103 pounds, but I can walk. I can drive! I can FUNCTION!

And as He so often does, God offered me several opportunities all around the same time to embrace the same Truth. It’s almost as if He speaks to me in themes many times. And this time, the theme was:

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”
(Psalm 116:7)

Because just a week before that appointment, I was embracing my son in his sleep, tears streaming down my face as I wept and prayed for a family in our church whose son was missing. (And has since been found!)

And just the day before my appointment, I walked into our pediatrician’s office for the first time in a while, and the receptionist commented on my weight, saying that I looked like I’d lost about as much weight as she had. I told her that I was recovering from a health crisis, and asked if she minded my asking why she had fallen underweight. And she replied that her husband was killed in a car accident . . . She said it so matter of factly that I didn’t know if I had heard her right. So I clarified, asking WHO it was that was killed in a car accident?
Her husband.

“Be at rest once more, O my soul, for the Lord has been good to you.”
(Psalm 116:7)

So yes, I have lost weight. And yes, it can bother me. But these things I know to be true:

~ The Lord has been very good to me. VERY good.
~ And my weight is worthless compared to the infinite value of gaining Christ, Himself. And being found in Him. (Philippians 3:7-8)

Ultimately, it’s not weight I need to gain; it’s Christ.

As I've shared before, I often miss out on radiant treasures right under my nose while struggling to grasp for something lesser. I urge you, sweet souls -- don't miss the radiant treasures along the painful journeys. Don't miss the ways that God reveals His glory to you. Don't miss out on HIM.

I invite you to spend a moment in worship here by sharing just one way that He has made Himself known to you amidst the heartaches of life. One way that He has been good to you. So that your soul may be at rest – once more.